Helpless

I woke up in the morning with puffy and swollen eyes, again I slept crying on our sofa with my besfriend trying to pull my hair and make me stopped. I never thought it would be this hard, I have so many questions in my mind that I can't find the perfect answers for it because he left me with no further explanations just telling me "ayoko na rin". I don't get where he is coming from, its like in just 4 days he changed, I kept on asking myself what have I done? Am I not good for him?

Each time i find answers i would end up hurting because I would always remember his promises that we would work this out and stay loving each other for the longest time. Had so many plans already but I don't think anything will ever happen again.

I could not really hate him even I wanted to so I can have reasons for moving on, but I can't, my heart can't. How can I hate someone I loved.

There's a later part in my head telling me bakit kasi hinayaan mo pa siyang bumalik ulit sa buhay mo? nawala na siya db? and my head will find its answers I did trust him because he promised me that he would stay know matter how I often get hurt, but he did not.


I'm overthinking, clueless and wasted because he don't know what I'm going through this days, he's one of my greatest strength but now that i'm in so much battles, he's not there. He left me standing alone and left things unsaid.


He would wlays tell me that he doesn't deserve me because he always make me cry and hurt me but that's part of loving and know matter how many times he hurt me, everything will heal as long as I have him.


And as of this moment I'm not sure of the best thing to do, when I'm trying to set my mind in moving on, I can't start at all b't know because the feelings is have is strong that it cannot find a space for moving on, if staying would be the best thing to do I should be ready everything that will happen, I will risk .And I don't know exactly to go for.

What's i'm sure about, I'm still waiting, waiting for him to ask me back on his life, I know its impossible, but if it would give me the strength to hold on i want all those impossibilities.